I’ve never claimed to be the smartest guy in the room, but I do take credit for one thing – talking my wife Jennifer into marrying me.  Since I was marrying up, and therefore getting the better end of the arrangement, convincing her took all the charm, wit, and persistence I could muster.  We recently celebrated our 27^th wedding anniversary and the event gave me an opportunity to reflect on what we’ve learned together and accomplished in our marriage, family, and careers. 

Having a solid financial foundation is important for everyone, regardless of relationship status; however, committed relationships can bring another level of difficulty, especially if each partner views money differently.  A 2023 survey by Orion found that 42% of U.S. adults reported having disagreements about money with their partners, with 27% saying it happened as often as weekly or monthly. 

During our first week of marriage, we sat down together and came up with three goals we wanted to achieve with our finances.  We decided that we wanted to:

1. Live in a nice house
2. Choose experiences over material possessions
3. Serve several missions for our church in retirement

Goal 1: Live in a nice house

At first this goal seemed simple enough to both of us, but we quickly realized that other people defined a “nice” differently than we did.  We considered the adjective “nice” to describe the general appearance of the home, its ability to support the needs of our family as it grew, and maybe most importantly of all, the general feeling when you enter the structure.  The cost of the home, its size, and the neighborhood have never been the main focus for us.

Goal 2: Choose experiences over material possessions

Both of us came from families which had experienced divorce (something that was once called “broken homes”, but has become normalized over the years).  Jennifer and I grew up in similar financial situations – neither of our families had a lot of extra money when we were children.

Growing up, I never thought of myself as “being poor”.  Although it wasn’t until my early 20s that I enjoyed central air conditioning and heat, I never felt like I grew up missing out.  My wife’s family could never afford vacations but she never talks about having missed out on opportunities either.  These life experiences helped us to focus on what was most important to us, which wasn’t the accumulation of stuff, but rather, the enjoyment of shared memories together.

Goal 3: Serve several missions for our church in retirement

We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and like many of our Christian friends of other faiths, we’ve always thought it was important to serve the Lord and help others.  We decided early in our marriage that one of our three financial goals would be to save money to afford to serve missions as a way to help others and give back.  Specifically, we’ve targeted a goal of being able to serve for four years.

The Millionaire Next Door

During our fourth wedding anniversary, Jennifer and I took a trip to Charleston SC.  During the car ride, we listened to the CD audio book The Millionaire Next Door.  Although neither of us were even remotely close be being millionaires, we were fascinated to learn that we shared many of the same traits, attitudes, and behaviors as people who eventually became millionaires.  I remember turning the audio recording off and telling Jennifer, “I want to become a millionaire one day – I think we can do it.”  Jennifer, being wiser and more mature, has simply replied “that’s just a number.”

Decades have passed since we created those three goals and had that conversation, yet those were truly pivotal experiences that helped me clarify what I wanted to achieve financially during my life.  It’s not surprising that most of the financial decisions I’ve made throughout the years have been influenced by those three goals. As I’ve increasingly focused on retirement, I better understand what Jennifer means. There’s isn’t a magic “perfect” number to achieve before you retire – it really depends on what your goals are and how much you need to sustain your lifestyle.

Giving Back

Throughout my life, I’ve been influenced by a number of truly remarkable people.  One of those early influencers was Mr. Parrish, a college professor who helped me understand the value of obtaining an internship when others were busy partying.  With his encouragement, I applied for and received an internship at a local Goodyear facility to help them prepare for Y2K.  That internship opened the door for my career in cybersecurity. 

After a career in information technology, Mr. Parrish taught community college as a way to give back.  His example of giving back continues to influence me.  It’s why I eventually worked as a college professor for several years.  His influence is why I volunteer in the information security community today.  It’s why I’ve always developed college internships at the companies I’ve worked for. 

This blog is simply another way to give back.  I doubt anyone will find it in the vast ocean of the Internet, but it I can help one person, then it will be worth the effort.